M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
