Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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