i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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