Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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