Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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