I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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