I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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