STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
