Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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