I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
