omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize