The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
ugly people sure do ruin things
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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