Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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