Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
