Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
