Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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