I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize