stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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