I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
