Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
