Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize