Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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