They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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