I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
so much tequila, so little girl.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
FUCK WHALES
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
