Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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