the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
