Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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