i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
