I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
