Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
