I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize