Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
