turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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