But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
