I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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