A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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