Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
