I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
