i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
