Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
