i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
