we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize