if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
