theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
