I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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