Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just cropdusted the office
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
