Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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