My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
