Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
