garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
