he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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