my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
