it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
