how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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