I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
