I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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