So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
