I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm drive I can fine osifer
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
