I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize