According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
