Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
