just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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