Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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