I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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