shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
