Jerry, you need to find god
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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