i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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