Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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