She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
worst night to have a conscience
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
